Half way checkpoint!!

Phew! 27 down 24 to go!!

One year ago when I knew I was coming to Nepal to live with children, I had a dream that was more like a still frame image than a motion picture. When I woke up it was clear in my mind like a photograph i had already taken. I could see 50 faces and mine all smiling, standing close together in a bunch. Atop these faces were a variety of color hats. Each child was wearing a hat I had made for them.
That day I decided to make this dream photo become a reality.
Because of my necessity to travel light, I only brought one crochet hook that josh gave me at the last second with me. In Kathmandu I bought three huge skeins of yarn and have since bought others. Sometimes im able to pump out two hats in one sitting.. Sometimes I go a whole week without making a single one. Hence, I am only half way.. But still I'm half way!!! I'll try to look at this glass as half FULL otherwise the remaining 24 seems daunting.
By now, the weather is certainly not hat wearing weather but the kids will keep them for next winter I hope.

I want to give a shout out and thank you to Mrs. Takeko Hose for teaching me the ways of crocheting hats properly. She is y crochet guru who I aspire to immigrate one day.
Wish me luck on finishing! I have a little more than two months to finish up and accomplish this endeavor!

Happy birthday Lauren Love!

Miss Lauren Sophie Thomas,
Your birthday time is upon us.
What did you do today?
Did you think, man I'm glad I'm me? did you realize, "wow I'm awesome, what can I say?"
I hope so, because its true, it's real, it's one of few things I know for sure
That you are a bright spirit, you shine like a ray of sunlight, starlike, and moon
Others can feel it too... And being in your presence is something I look forward to soon.
The day I met you is crystal clear in my memory
You came into our home on franklin street
Who knew it would lead to such a nice trajectory?
Our friendship has since become one that can't be beat.
The first thing I noticed that day was your honest and curious eyes. They say, "life, show me what you got! I want to experience everything for what it is, no sugar coating, no half assing, and no compromise". They tell, "hi I'm Lauren. I give awesome hugs and if I think you're also an honest person, you can receive some. Until then ill just give warmth anyway. I am sooo excited to be alive! I can't wait to see what this life will bring."
This adventurous, spunky side of your personality is so evident in your eyes, but at the same time, the softness and care is there just as strong.
They give people a sense that, hey, I really do belong.
I feel I met you at a critical time, a time when the bells of personal change were beginning to chime.
Those precious years in good ole Bellingham on the Franklin porch, watching lightening hold a special place in my heart because of the friends I made.
Those years of discovering coffees and teas, hiking, studying to teach, seeing smiling faces all around, warm walks on the boardwalk, homemade pizza and cake baking, and countless incredible brunches are all memories I would never ever trade.
What I'm trying to say, and let me be clear, is that you are a friend ill keep come what may.
You are like a sister to me who I know is always sending me positive energy.
I have really felt your presence while away for so long, even if we can't hang out I've so appreciated your consistent love. You are one hell of a girl, Lauren. Sometimes I am just in awe of how you handle the situations that life throws at you. You are truly an inspiration to me and I look up to you for the way you carry yourself and treat other people.
This year is not just any... It is fucking GOLDEN!!! Haha, that means it will be memorable to say the least. It is a time to make big dreams and hold em'.
Remember to live in the moment, always smile
Take time for yourself and just celebrate for no reason once in a while.
More than usual, I am missing you today because I wish I could take you for tea and make a record-breaking cake for you to enjoy.
I can't give you a gift, a hug, or even a toy
But know that I am thinking of you so much!
Especially on your birthday, laugh, run around, be free, remember that you are super cool, it's plain to see.

I love you Lauren! happy birthday to you!


Sent from my iPad

Gonna miss this one

Sapana, Sapana, Sapana... Remember that song? Sapana and Bipana... Yin and yang. What will Sarlahi life be like without my yin? I am not looking forward to your departure. Hyesu, I want you to know how special it has been to get to know you, live with you, learn from you, work with you, and most of all laugh with you. You really do have the best laugh and smile that is so honest. You don't hold back, with anything really. I love how if I ask you one question, you will answer ten more just because you want to share. I have enjoyed listening and have been amazed by how open you are. You're also genuinely interested in other people.

I can remember when you first stayed in my room when Mrs. Park was here visiting. Like many nights, we stayed up late talking and we were both in our sleeping bags. It was freezing even with wool knit socks, hats, and scarves but talking with you was so heartwarming because you asked me questions and truly listened to the answers. You asked me about my best friends at home and I talked about Lauren. Then, you asked how we met, what her personality was like, and what I like most about her. It was so nice to talk about her because I missed my friends. No one else during my travels seemed to care so much to ask all those details. In that moment, I felt that you really cared about me and that I could share with you anything. Thank you for asking those questions. Thank you for listening, for telling, and for sharing my humor too!
One of my favorite things to do in life is laugh so hard, I can't breath properly or speak clearly. All of those times in Nepal have been with you! who will laugh at my "jokes," laugh at funny occurrences, or be stupid enough to order ice cream in the middle of winter? I'll miss you a lot Hyesu. You are really a unique girl and you have an incredible future ahead of you.

You're one of those types who will work hard to get what you want in life.. You'll surround yourself by people who love you and who support you. You'll infuse everyone around you with positive, friendly energy. It inspires others to do good in the world. I have complete faith in you. I know you'll continue to challenge yourself and seek new ways to grow your character.

Living in Nepal is an experience none of us will ever forget. It's also something that I feel no one else will fully understand unless they have lived here too. I'm happy to have shared this experience with you, Anu, Daeha, Upesh, Ishwor, and Sandip. What a Dynamic team!
I'll miss cherishing delicious foods with you. I'll think of you every single time I sip dhud chia and eat anda or sukuti.

Also, I want to thank you so much for taking care of me when I was sick. That one evening when I was so grumpy and could only eat naan, you asked me to talk about my home and what I like to do in Seattle. That turned a painful evening into a nice memory for me. You have to come visit pike place with me soon, ok? come see the fish fly! I am confident we will meet again.. In Japan, Korea, or the USA. If not in our white dresses, then before:)

Hyesu sister, thank you for your brilliant smile. Thank you for your everlasting spunk. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your musical creativity. You will be sorely missed by the kids and staff alike.

Keep in touch! Maya Garchu!!

Dress up and cheer up!

A few nights ago, during Creative Arts class, I was telling my students how proud I was of them for winning first place at our drama competition that was recently held at the center. Our team of 10 kids competed against three other school's teams. Amit won an award for best actor out of 40 students!!! If that's not enough, another 11 children did a great job singing "Do Re Mi" on stage in front of over 150 community members and classmates. Watching them perform after so much practice, I felt like they were my own children and I felt so much pride. When I was telling them this, of course tears quickly came, swelling in my eyes, making my voice all cracky. Even though they probably couldn't understand my words, I hope they could feel my heart and know how much I care about them.

Then, all of the sudden, I felt this powerful wave of emotion flow over me. It seemed to be coming from a source much bigger than me. I just felt the absence of their parents so strongly in this moment. I told them they don't realize how different their lives are from other kids around the world.

I went into the girls room after class to hopefully cheer me up...but it only brought more tears! they could see that I had been crying a little and immediately sprang into "cheer sister up mode." Hah it was like they all thought the same thing at the same time because Sangita started singing a song in English really loud, Durga stated telling me some detailed story, and Urmila draped a sari on me. It just made me cry so hard... Feeling like these things they always want to show me should be seen by their mom and dad. How many ugly paintings I made and showed my mom and dad, just to hear "wow! that looks amazing! Lets put it on the fridge art gallery!"? A lot. But, what about Sangita? Who tells her, "wow, I am so impressed that you sang that whole song in English!"? I did this night, before taking tons of posed pictures and dressing up in saris. But, I will soon leave this place.

It's strange.. Or maybe normal?...I can remember feeling anxious about leaving home for "so long" and now I feel anxious about leaving Sarlahi. In most ways, I am glad I feel this way because it means that I truly created some good connections here. On the other hand, I don't like to feel anxious before big changes..or anytime really. The transition time can be tough, but I know it will also be good to be home. This place has changed me though, I can tell. These ways really feel like mine. There are few times in my life that I felt were really just mine...my time here is definitely one of them and is very precious to me. It's time when I can challenge myself all the time and face who I am without the cradle of my family and friends. It is a place To show new people who I want to be. It is a place to experience loving people like a parent. It is a place to adapt to a new lifestyle. Anyway, it's certainly a place and time I can never forget.

Instead of feeling anxious, ill just practice wearing saris! I have a couple now and they are so comfortable... But take some skill to maneuver in properly. It's time i start blending in here:)

A world beyond video games

Ah, Bhuvan has the best smile in the world! His face gets so crinkly, it's impossible not to smile back. Yesterday I saw him dragging this cool vehicle he made around on a leash. The wheels are made from water bottle caps. Reduce reuse recycle! Sometimes I am amazed by how little it takes to entertain these kids while so many who have shelves and drawers full of toys and video games complain that they are bored. How can one ever be bored? Life is so entertaining!
It makes me happy to see Bhuvans creativity. I'm already excited to see his smile in the morning:)

Be mine!

Happy Valentines day! My day started with Sara knocking on my door so loud at 6am. When I opened my door I found her on one knee and she said "sister,I love you!!" she had told me the night before se had some surprise for me.. But I didn't expect this:) it was a lovely way to begin a lovely day.
These girls came to the office midday to give flowers they'd collected as a valentines gift. At night the stars were so so bright so I invited my friends up to the roof where we laid in our sleeping bags, watched the stars, shared a heavenly chocolate bar, and told stories. Ended up having a somewhat restless sleep on the roof along with barking dogs and hungry Mosquitos but it was worth the shooting stars and the red sunrise!
Hope you all had days full of love!

In the news!

NGA team and I were featured in one of Nepal's national newspapers, Annapurna Post, for our project in Nawalpur, Sarlahi last week! Since its in Nepali, I'll tell you the gist.. The village was so happy we came to stay there and paint their local school. They felt like it set a good example of serving others and helping communities outside of your own. They made sure to show us a good time with culture programs, multiple cups of milk tea every day, and our favorite, roti. It is great to see the change that happened in less than a week an the students are excited to enjoy their improved school.

Creation Station

I remember going to the "Creation Station" on the east side when I was younger during homeschool days. It's basically a huge room full of junk that you can make things with. Scraps of every type of cardboard you could imagine, stirofoam, fabric swatches, toilet paper roles, random pieces of wire or electronics, yarn, mismatching patches of stuff, more stuff, and just stuff.. It is the perfect place to let your imagination run wild. I remember thinking it was the coolest place! I built beds for my dolls, clothes for stuffed animals, random weapons to battle josh with later, and futuristic inventions that I haven't released yet. Waiting for the right moment and a target audience who will be ready to handle my brilliant creations appropriately :)
Anyway, the reason I thought of creation station is that last night, sweet Purnima and Sangita were staying up late so I went in their room to tell them to sleep fast! I had planned to have a scolding tone but Purnima showed me these beautiful slippers she made from card board!

In her voice I could tell she was so excited to show me so my heart practically melted as fast as my face turned into a big smile. All I could do was tell her how much I loved them and that she could open a slipper shop, give her a good hug, and say good night.
She reminded me of how I used to show mom and dad my artwork when I was little... before I got really really good at art :) not. Parents have some responsibility to pretend like they love it and are impressed even if it is the ugliest piece of work they've ever seen. I felt like I had to fill this role, except these slippers are actually lovely! It is moments like this that make me feel so sad to leave here one day soon. When they try to impress me I can feel that I'm temporarily filling a deep hole that they carry inside all the time. They miss their moms and dads so much. I can't even fathom growing up without mine.
 These girls remind me to enjoy the simple things. They don't have toys, so they just make them out of whatever they can find laying around. This one in particular is such a sweetie. I never hear her complain and she's always welcoming when we have guests.
Believing that you can create something beautiful, especially as a child, I think is so important. I hope to encourage Purnima and the others to keep creating. 

Something beautiful

For Aaron -

Today I read another note from the time portal you gave me. I still have a few! It was cool learning from the note that I'm living in the future yet I could completely imagine you in the past in my mind sitting in the rectangle of sun slight that sometimes shines on the blue green carpet in the "play room." Oh how we used to play in that room! Remember your unforgettable micro machine sound effects? Well how could you not remember if they are unforgettable? you and josh would get so into it while I silently watched, wishing you wouldn't spit all over them. But looking back on it, I am glad you did because you were truly enjoying playing and you were wholly in that battle world. He fast those days became late night conversations sprawled out on the L couch or the floor, half conscious! one of my fondest memories is coming into the play room and seeing your art work spread all over the floor. It was like seeing your thought process and creations frozen in time. Maybe you'd gone downstairs for a treat concoction...
The sun was shining onto bright rectangles that day too. I managed to fit all my body into one rectangle and just look at your colorful cards, layers of paint swirled around each other, and scraps of images you found interesting.
I was reminded of this when I recently received the artistic poem/cardboard painting from you. Thanks by the way. I love it.

So, when I was reading your note today I wanted to just share part and answer your questions. Your past self has been waiting a looonnng time for the response.. Since July.
"I feel that I should mention what it's like without you. First of all, the bathroom mirror is getting cluttered with post-it notes addressed to you. Very annoying. Come retrieve them! Secondly, when someone comes home around 4pm, instead of saying "hello?"
I say "hi Beth!" Things are getting predictable. Your room is disorientingly tidy. I don't like it. And sometimes guests sleep in your bed, which I like even less. Finally, when I talk in the bathroom late at night, I feel crazy, cause you're not there to listen. In summary, I Miss you." I miss you too, Aaron.

You asked, "what is something beautiful that happened to you this week? something miraculous that you saw? what is something you did that you feel proud of? tell me about a person whom you helped feel loved."

It is a wonderful coincidence that I opened this note today because this week I really saw beautiful things happen and did some things I feel proud of. A couple weeks ago, I heard that Clara, (Ana's little sister) was coming to nepal with her NGA three person team to volunteer and see Nepal. Right away, I was so excited about seeing them and about the potential of joining their project. When I Skyped with her a few days before their arrival though, I learned that she didn't have any project in mind. Then I decided to take matters into my own hands and try and set up something for them to do in Sarlahi. My director, Saroj, introduced me to one social action guy in a tiny village 20 minutes from where I live. His name is Raghunath Dhai (pronounced Ragoonot) and he speaks a total of 5 English words- hello, mosquito, school, good, and morning, all of which came in handy during the week. He explained that the small school in their village was in need of some help and inspiration because they have no funding from the government to do repairs. The students who attend school there come from families who work cutting sugar cane all day to make just enough to keep them alive. When I walked into the school and said, "Namaste, mero nam Bipana ho," the way everyone silently glared at me told me that I was the first foreigner to come to their class before. After a few minutes, I got them to respond and start cracking hesitant grins.
I told Raghunath that I may have three volunteers coming to help out. I explained that they are on a small budget and have fundraiser themselves to come here. He offered exactly what I was hoping for, homestays. As we walked down the one dirt road that makes up the village of Nawalpur 4, someone from almost every house came out asking me to "sit here please!" In Nepali, the word for live, stay, and sit are all the same.
After that day, I confirmed that the three Americans could come and also learned that Saroj, my trusty translator and leader, would be leaving for Kathmandu the entire time they were here.

Something I did that I feel proud of...

Most of my colleagues happened to also be in Kathmandu this week, so the fact that this project was a success is something I am so proud of. This week tested my communication skills and Nepali speaking skills the most since I've been here. Everyday I went to visit the village, there was much to translate, since the number of Nepali words the volunteers knew was even less than Raghunath's English repertoire. Beyond the language barrier, there is all of the overwhelming smells, colors, spicy tastes, noises, and dirt of Nepal that made me worry a little for the newbs. But I was equally excited for them to experience real Nepal. Many travelers come to Kathmandu and head straight for the mountains, trek, and then fly home. They come to see the natural beauty that Nepal is famous for, but they miss out on the striking beauty of the people of Nepal that is only revealed through time. Their customs, their food, their tight bonds, their long list of festivals, their sincerity, their spontaneity, simplicity, and loving nature...these are the things that I was most proud to show the newcomers.

Do your horns hang low,do they wobble to the floor? Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? 

Roti and tarkari for lunch :)

Rama Didi looking lovely. 

Maybe the cutest baby boy in the world. 

Something miraculous that I saw...

Watching the villagers of Nawalpur eagerly help us transform this school was truly miraculous.

 Clara (Sunita), Crystal (Suni), and Luke (Sunil) stayed with host families for 6 days in Nawalpur, Sarlahi, a southern district in Nepal. When they arrived by Sumo jeep to Sarlahi from Kathmandu (6 hr. ride), they were exhausted but enjoyed playing at the Children Center for the evening. On their first day, I took them to milk tea, showed them Hariwon to buy some essentials, like toilet paper, hand sanitizer (which apparently doesn't exist in Sarlahi), bottled water, and some snacks! After being hosted for the past 7 months, I really enjoyed playing host and showing them around. I was also amused by their reactions to all of the sights and noises of the market! And it wasn't even market day :) I remember feeling that way when I came, worried that every bus was going to run me over. It's amazing how quickly we can adjust to a different situation. I am glad that I am able to adapt to "uncomfortable" conditions. This experience would be stressful if I couldn't get over not having western toilets, western food, running water, hot water, heat, anything not covered in dust, etc.
I am so proud of these three for toughing it for the week. They each stayed in separate houses and managed to build special relationships with their host families, despite the language barrier.

 Something beautiful that happened to me this week...

Holy smokes! After working in this village for the week, friendships were made, foreigners were welcomed into families, and tears were shed during our farewell. It is difficult to put into words just how it felt when they said thank you and goodbye for now to us.. but I will try. You can tell in the pictures how smiley these people are. Each Didi was over the top hospitable this week. I was so impressed by how they opened their homes and shared their cultures with us. It was super refreshing for me to spend some time in the village because at the center, it is so noisy! I enjoyed the quiet peacefulness of the sugar cane fields in the morning. I'd be woken up by some birds, step outside to greet Didi milking the buffalo. As soon as Didi saw that I was awake, she'd hop to the wood outdoor stove to start brewing some delicious dhud chia (buffalo milk tea... Starbuck's Chai has nothing on dhud chia). Then, we'd squat down in a circle for chia and roti (thin bread also made on the fire stove) before a day of painting. These didis and dhais and children just smiled so so much! I wish you could teleport here just to see their bright faces. Beautiful people.
The affection they showed me was welcomed too. I've missed hugs and sharing cozy time with people. I think I'll be visiting this village often. Since the day we left, they've called me every day asking when I will return :)

So, on our last evening, the entire village (maybe 40 people) came out onto the street and onto the front yard of Rama Didi's house where we shared a farewell dhud chia. Hazurama (grandma who is smoking some sort of grass all the time, bless her heart) dumped a ton of sugar into the pot because she said it was extra special as our last cup together. I bit the bullet and sipped it down, but before I could finish, one didi came up to me, smiled into my eyes, and put a bright red tika on my forehead. I put my hands together and thanked her. Then... like a swarm, EVERYONE started putting their hands on my face with red tika powder, muttering blessings with tears in their eyes.

The love pouring toward us was so strong, you could see it on everyone's face and feel everyone's hearts just growing! It was overwhelming, actually. It all happened so fast. Maybe 20 people had rubbed their hands on my face. Now, I was completely red. The mob of tika givers and receivers headed toward our vehicle, pronounced exactly like "bagel" in nepali-english, to see us off. They placed marigold mala necklaces on us and reached their hands out at the holes in our bagel where windows should be. Eyes twinkling, hearts full, we rode away back to the center to take it all in.

Feeling the love of the universe right now and have been so strongly the past week. I hope I can use this power to pass it on to people around me. I am so deeply loved and I realize that the most joy I feel is when I can make others feel deeply loved too. These things are beautiful.

Love, Izzy :)

London Olympic Games 2012

After experiencing the quiet life on the orchard, coming to London during the summer Olympics was INSANE. This was a completely unexpected part of my trip, but a welcome detour. Given the opportunity to go to the Olympics, who in the world would decline? No one! So, I accepted the invitation and flew from Budapest to London to meet Brian and watch his friend, Courtney Thompson, kick ass on the volleyball court. 

I can't describe the energy that was pulsing through London during the games. People from all over the world came to support their country and take part in this huge event. You all know how athletic I am and how closely I follow sports...but during each match we got to see live, I found myself on the edge of my seat or standing the entire time.

The air was so thick and it felt like the thousands in the audience were holding their breath every time the clock was rolling. It was awesome to see Courtney, the smallest one of our USA women's team, in her element. After hearing about her a lot, I was so glad to get the chance to meet her and her family. What a funny, energetic family! I don't think I'll ever forget the entertaining celebrations that were held after USA won a silver, over many many shots. 

This is what it looks like when you time travel... in case you were wondering :) 

Can you tell who we were cheering for? 

Holy MEDAL! Courtney takes home a silver! CONGRATS USA!!  

 Man, it was also a good experience to meet many people who Brian took on USA tours last summer. I could tell he made a significant impact on many people that summer by being an adventurous, spontaneous, friendly tour guide. We spent the week enjoying the bustle of the city, seeing friends, exploring gigantic parks, time traveling at the prime meridian, rearranging priorities, eating so many different small dishes for so cheap, eating yogurt, berries, and granola in the morning, and just enjoying time to share.

OMG, I also found a cereal that I've loved since I was a small girl. Josh, Amaris, and Darrick used to make fun of it because it looked like cat food.. chocolate stars. They discontinued the beloved cereal in the US, but somehow I stumbled upon a similar one in London. Brian and I finished an entire box in 24 hours :)

Here's how happy I was when I found it! 

The light at the end of the tunnel

August 5, 2012: On Ohid Farm.

One pleasant afternoon after pruning an entire row of apple trees, Sal and I made an amazing fruit salad and interesting pilaf lunch. I have so enjoyed our conversations because she is also a teacher but has been teaching for 10 years already. Sal's from Australia and grew up on a small farm, similar to Arthur's. In her free time, she has a private reiki healing practice. She asked if I'd like a session, so of course I said, "yes." 

She set up a comfy blanket under the shade of our plum tree and decorated with some random pillows she found. She set down a small velvet back with stones in it and immediately Forint (the dog) came to check them out. He sniffed the bag up close before abruptly jolting away from the bag. Perhaps he could sense something special was in the bag. Sal explained that she sometimes uses the stones and sometimes doesn't. She does whatever the body she's treating tells her to do. With that, I laid down and closed my eyelids........and here is what I saw:

I was traveling through a dark cave that was wet and rough (sort of like the Ape Cave lava tube in Washington). I could barely fit through it and it was made of layers and layers of rock, jagged rock that I had to struggle to push aside to get through. I knew I was working toward something though and had power to keep pushing the rocks away. I was sweaty, wet, and cold at the same time. I was dirty and scraped up from all the rocks. At the end of the cave, there was some french doors where bright light was shining on the other side. Ever so slowly, the light was starting to widen as if it was getting ready to welcome me. 

Along the path to the doors were lots of people to greet me. Some people I knew and others I didn't recognize, but I knew that they were all important to me. All of these people believed in me and knew that I had worked hard to get there. They were nodding to me as a sign of approval. 

Aaron was there and gave me a serious but sweet smiling nod. Cecilie was there too. Claudine was shining so bright and her face was practically glowing with excitement and happiness. Amaris was there, Nicole, and Lauren's mom. I felt so supported but at the same time on my own. I felt independent while walking by them all, empowered, and clear-minded. I know that i was working toward and it as my own decision solely based on my feeling, whatever it was. 

I can imagine that if there is some life after death, it might look like this to pass from this world to the next. Feeling warm and ready for the next chapter... whatever it may be. 

This imagery came and went as I slipped in and out of consciousness during the reiki session. I was woken up by Arthur talking so loudly about the tractor and its problems. He seemed to be oblivious to the fact that Sally was trying to concentrate on something. He didn't notice our peaceful setting.

Notes from Sal's feedback:
- Chest blockage: trust my intuition. Don't use your head all the time. It's ok to express my feelings and follow my intuition.
- Wanting to be nurtured... could happen soon in my travels she says.
- Self-discovery, soul searching - not in the sense that something's wrong, but finding my place in the world and discovering myself as an extension of who I already am. 

*p.s. The above image and this image was taken in Oysterville, Washington, during one of my favorite weekends of my life. I went on a spur of the moment road trip with Darrick to visit Nicole in her cabin along the sea. I only remember pure peace and happiness when I think of Oysterville... 

Like I can fly :) 

Bright Spirits

Holy smokes! I had an incredible dream last night (July 22, 2012). It may have even been a "lucid" dream. I was with my siblings, Cile, Anton, and Flora. We were out in the countryside somewhere at night and were working on a project, moving things from a warehouse or to a warehouse. it looked like a big greenhouse or like the warehouse that used to be by Sail Sandpoint. Outside it was warm and dark and there were fireflies. The green grass was soft and wet on our bare feet. I don't think we were in a rush, but everyone seemed pretty focused on their task. I took a break outside and looked at the starry sky. Darrick came beside me too and was talking about something menail. As I stared up into the twinkling sky, the area around grew quiet. Everyone else had gone inside te warehouse. Somehow it felt like Darrick and I were teh only ones who were supposed to witness what was about to happen. Flora also saw it, but she was on the other sdie of the warehouse so we didn't know it until later.

I first saw a few starts start to swirl and glow extra bright. I tried to get Darrick's attention because I couldn't tell if it was just me or if the stars were spiraling and spinning into each other. I kept tugging at Darricks' arm and saying, "look, look! Look at the stars!" They looked like they were getting sucked into a black hole, except they never disappeared. They only got brighter. Then the swirl started taking shape and became a stag with impressive antlers. Immediately, Darrick and I looked at each other and read each other's thoughts... "Can you believe this? Are we dreaming? No this is happening! That is Josh's spirit!" We both knew it was Joshie in the sky. In this dream, we hadn't seen Josh in a long time I(for some reason, he was separated from the family) so it was so comforting to see and feel his presence as an elk-like creature. The star stag pranced gracefully across the sky. Then it sort of disappeared and the stars stopped moving. Another bunch of stars spiraled into life as other animals. I felt visited by lots of spirits and each one seemed to be empowering e and giving me strength, or whatever quality they were known for. some stars actually went in me. The spirits gave me part of themselves as a reminder that they're living in me and with me always.

When it was over, I felt like I could do anything. I knew I had a big purpose in this world and now I had the power to fulfill it. Darrick and I knew that no one would believe us when we told them what we saw, but we had each other to validate it. I don't know why we were chosen or what the purpose will be, but I will never forget the strong feeling of empowerment or knowing that I carry the strength of those spirits in me. It was as vivid as my dream about exploring the underground wonderland with my soul mate and finding my belongings. Perhaps, that'll be another blog post one day.
Like that dream, this one made me feel so strongly that it's burned into my memory. When I am feeling unsure during my travels, I can just remember this empowerment and know that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Sometimes I think I limit myself without realizing it. My potential is probably beyond what I can imagine, just as everyone's potential will rarely be met. I think human beings are capable of so much more than we think or aspire to. It makes me sad to think of a life half-lived. A life that never pushed the person to their limit in some way. Too much of our energy, time, and resources are poured into whatever makes comfort. We care for comfort more often than not.

I'm learning that the less comfortable I am, the more I learn and the more I am glad I had the experience. There have been several uncomfortable experiences this past year, all valuable in different ways, all memorable, and none I would replace. 

True Love Waits

Are you married? No? Why do you wear a ring on your wedding ring finger then? What does it say? True Love Waits.. aww, is that from your boyfriend? No, it's a promise ring. A promise to stay with your man? No, it's a promise to wait to have sex until I am married. Or, at least that is what it meant to me when I put it on at age 15. 

When people notice my ring and ask what it is, my answer is always different. If I don't have much time to chat, I say, "it's a purity ring." If I am being hit on by a forward Italian, I simply wave my hand and let it imply that I am married :) If I'm asked by someone who actually wants to listen, I will tell them the story. 

"Saving myself" for my future husband has always been something I've assumed I'd do because of the way I was brought up. When I was young, my family was involved in a church that emphasized abstinence. During these lectures, I barely knew what that big word meant and when I was told to be "pure," I just thought, "Do you think I'm not pure already?" I didn't understand why sex was such a big deal because at that age, I thought I'd never actually want to do that. I just knew it was a big deal. 

As a grew up it became a family joke to imitate my father who always seemed to bring up the topic of "staying pure" at the most random times. Swimming at our neighborhood pool, he floated up on a floaty to remind my sister and I to stay pure. Settling in on our couch for a movie night, he'd squeeze in with a bowl of ice cream and say, "why don't we instead talk about purity and what it means to love." This quality of making all moments meaningful that my dad has is so endearing to me now and I am grateful for these conversations. Though I don't consider myself a member of the church anymore, it had definitely been a big part of my foundation, and therefore part of shaping my own perspective on these things. Mostly though, I can remember having lots of open discussions with my parents, sister, and friends about relationships, true love, marriage, and sex, especially when I decided to start dating in high school. 

The people who have heard of a purity ring or a promise ring usually are quick to assume that I am a hardcore christian who won't have sex before marriage because it is a sin. However, in my life, this is not how I view purity. For me, wearing this ring has become a reminder to be patient with myself in being able to give true love and receive it. Just as girls and boys gradually mature physically and emotionally, I believe we also gradually mature spiritually. Sometimes these three develop at different paces. For example, one might be physically mature but emotionally immature and a spiritual baby. I also believe that my spirit and my body are so connected, they affect each other more than I am aware of. I have been blessed to grow up surrounded by love. I have seen an example of the purest, deepest love between my mom and dad. It only seems to grow as they get older and wiser. 

Someday, I also want to experience this kind of love. In order to have that wholeness, I want to give myself fully to one person. Physically, sex is maybe the most I can give and the most I can connect intimately with someone. I want to wait until my spirit is also ready to open completely and love completely another person. I want to experience the joy of overwhelming someone with my most sincere love without holding back. When I find someone to share that with, I will want to show it in every way :) If finding this person or becoming this person coincides with a marriage, then.. it does, but this ring has become much more about the meaning of events rather than the order of events.

I am not waiting for permission from someone, I am not waiting because my parents told me to when I was younger, I am not waiting because of religion, I am just waiting for me. Lately, I have felt so empowered to know how much control I have over my own life. This past year especially, I have spent every day exactly how I wanted to spend it. I feel that I am honestly following my heart, following the path that this universe carves for me. It is everchanging and keeps me on my toes. So far though, life has taught me to trust, to live into each moment and have faith in my own spirit. It knows what it's doing!

Some people ask, "isn't it hard to wait so long?" Of course, yes, there have been times when I have questioned my reasoning for abstaining. But, if I really think about it, I am so grateful for each of my previous relationships because I have learned from each person I've dated. I have been honest with myself by letting things progress naturally. I am so excited to share my love with people around me now and forever. It is the most precious gift God has given us, to be able to love. It heals, it comforts, it inspires, it challenges, and pushes us to be the most we can be. One day, I will give myself fully and it will be wonderful.

Heviz, Hungary: The largest natural hot springs in Europe. After pruning apple trees for a week, this was a much welcome relaxation session with our team. Heviz is like a giant hot lake with some bars in the middle to hang onto to rest. 

After proving that I can fit into little spaces, I was terrified of the view from that hole in the castle wall. 

Where babies come from

It turns out storks don't just exist in Dumbo land! The first time I saw this, the nest was enough to make me stop in my tracks. Then, seeing not one, but two storks made me gasp. Coming to watch these amazing birds became a daily ritual after day 1 in Ohid.

Do we have storks in Seattle? I never saw one. Maybe the novelty was exciting to me... but also they are sort of like Santa. 

Christmas jam in summertime

Apples apples apples apples apples PLUMS apples apples apples apples apples apples.

 

Reynold's Apples

Day 22-32: WWOOFing in Ohid 

 

Coralie and Matt casually sitting in the back of Arthur's white van. I can't believe they look so calm in this picture because we all felt like we were going to die in the back of that truck, the way Arthur was driving. He'd be caught up in a story of how he came to Hungary, or busy pointing at some property or house that he owned but did nothing with, while turning into traffic, without looking! Half way through the turn, he'd ask, "am I clear?"... if it hadn't been clear, it would have been too late. Arthur's laid back demeanor didn't seem to generalize to the road. At first it was funny to see him try to race other farm vehicles until we were the victims of each jurky swerve, every slam on the breaks.

Forint, you are wise beyond your years. Thank you for guarding over us at the farm every night, infecting us with your energy every morning, and chasing after every apple we threw away. 

 After picking apples off the ground and pruning rows of apple trees that never seem to end for 6 days in a row, pressing cider was a welcome change. Somehow the fact that Arthur and Richard's methods were always not so efficient was endearing because they both took so much pleasure in the work. The end product was just a nice perk for them. The farm's loosing money every year but Arthur doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes I'd catch him leveling out some huge pile of dirt with a tiny shovel (the kind kids might use or housewives who really don't know how to garden). It was cute to see him, white haired, dirt on his knees, and a huge grin stretched across his face, as he slowly but surely leveled the pile.

Making cider was a similar level of inefficiency that at first bothered us wwoofers. Since our ultimate goal was to have a good time, that's just what we did :)

 After collecting the apples that have recently fallen to the ground, they are chopped up by a grinder. The apple mush is then plopped onto a cloth atop a wood board, then again and again layered until there are 5 or 6 layers of manually pressed plops of mush. The juice seeps out of the cloth, but the real volume comes when we crank a car jack down to press the remaining juice out of the shlop.
This process is a great workout. It took a lot of effort to ignore hundreds of bees interested in the sweet cider.

Zach, you were a good student in the kitchen. One of my favorite parts of staying at Reynold's farm was cooking with my fellow wwoofers. It's awesome to immediately connect with other trarvelers. We all had different stories to share of why we were traveling in Hungary, but all had a common desire to get out into the countryside to see the real life.
I loved seeing what we could create from unfamiliar ingredients, one burner, and some untrained kitchen cooks. Sometimes I wonder how boys like Zach manage in life? How can you live more than 20 years and not know how to cook anything? What has become of America's youth? What a shame to only know how to cook Ramen or tv dinners! Luckily, Zach was willing and motivated to learn at least some common sense about preparing food. He became my baking apprentice for the week as we made blackberry pies, chocolate chip cookies, plum jams, apple crumbles, and interesting melted meals made in a tiny toaster oven. You can tell he was focused on his tasks when given.

Richard bought new sneaks today :) They are blindingly white but will only be that way for maybe 20 minutes.

Mmmm.. finally reaping the benefits of our hard work. The last day, Zach and I got to try hard cider that had been made Summer of 2011. It perfectly complemented our baked vegetables and beans. I will miss this plastic table and the plastic chairs that buckled under me several times, leaving me with scrapes on my elbows.
I'll miss the warm afternoons laying in the shade with Forint and Sal, getting reiki.