Welcome to the family, Cecilie!

To two of my favorite people in this wide world, Joshua and Cecilie,

Congratulations does not even begin to encapsulate my emotions and feeling toward you two being engaged! But it's a start. Cecilie, I distinctly remember meeting you for the first time and being almost awestruck at how beautiful you are! I had heard lots about you and was so excited to meet you because of the way Josh lit up when he talked about you. Since then a few years ago, you've continued to impress me with your kind heart, astute awareness of the space around you, and your passion for making an impact on the world. It's truly amazing how well those things align with my brother. Cecilie, you are a very, very lucky girl to have found Josh. He will take care of your soul forever. And Josh, you are a very, very lucky boy to have someone like Cile in your life. Absorb every time she looks at you because it is so clear how much she adores you. The love you both have for each other is powerful and can be felt by peopl around you, too. I have already been inspired by your relationship thus far and I think you'll be paving a good path to follow for the rest of us. I look up to both of you as individuals and as a couple.  

Josh has always held a very high place in my mind in terms of the way he treats others. Josh- you are the most sincere, kindest person I have ever been blessed to know. This is why I get filled with joy when I see the way you bring out these qualities even more in each other. When you are both working toward something together, it's like an explosion of kindness for all!! Gets intense :) 
It is obvious that you will both challenge each other to continue growing as individuals and together as well. I think that it is important to encourage each other to find your own way as much as possible, but support each other too. With a marriage comes a sense of security, among many other things, and I hope you will both use this security as a strong foundation from which to take some risks that you might not otherwise take. Push each other to accomplish your dreams. 

Woah, I could not be more excited and happy for you to take on this everchanging adventure together! Of course there will be high and lows and mediums and I have complete confidence that all of these times will be meaningful in different ways and that you'll navigate them gracefully. Never take each other for granted and treat each other like you would the last chocolate chip cookie on the planet! 

I so deeply wish I could be there for your celebrations. I heard about Sauk Mt. and imagine it must have been heavenly beautiful. I hope that you can feel my presence in your hearts because I am thinking about you and sending you so much love even though I am far away. Please know that it will make me happy to support you in any way I can during your engagement and in the future. I look forward to strengthening my relationship to you as a couple. It feels amazing and natural to have you join the family, Cecilie. 

Josh and Cile, I love you both lots and wish you the very best.

Szeged Bakery

Day 15-19: Szeged, Hungary 

I'm at a cute bakery (the only one in this town but it happens to be 2 blocks from where I'm staying at Edit's dad's place!). The town consists of this bakery, a couple fruit stands, and a swimming pool. Hungarians are big into water polo and swimming.

I'm trying to take advantage of the cheap delicious espresso and treats here before I'm in Nepal where I don't think I'll have access to such delights:) "getting in shape" will just have to wait.I could sit and people watch here all day! Lots of older couples with few teeth who look like they've been through hard times but offer big smiles anyway. Wish I could hear about their stories...but the few phrases I have learned aren't enough. My goal is to try all the different cakes and treats before I leave for a farm next week.

One day you guys, Ill have a place Like this. A place where people can come to catch up with old friends, take each other out for special treats, come to read and relax. Anyone in? Ill be needing business partners of course. This is probably at least 10 yrs down the road but who knows really?  I'm just now starting to realize just how UNPREDICTABLE our lives are from here on out. Anyone else feeling this way? It's hard to leave it up to he universe sometimes.

We just never know who we will meet, what experience will change our lives, or what circumstance will affect us in profound ways! Exciting and equally scary.
Hahah this little girl next to me has more ice cream on her face than in the cone!!
Well with all the uncertainty, it makes me appreciate my friends even more. You're souls who i see as steadies/ staples who know who I am and who bring out my favorite parts of myself:) soooo thanks! I feel like I've learned so much from each of you in different ways and am excited for that to continue.

Diano Marina

Day 1 - 14 
My adventure began in Diano Marina, on the northern Italian coast. In Nepal, when the winter sinks into my bones, I imagine Diano Marina and the days I soaked in as many sun rays as I could.

Things I won't forget:
1. My underwater camera is super fun.
2. Salad nicoise.
3. Mr. Big's gelataria... at least daily.
4. Helle's terrace in La Casa Rustica.


It's hard to describe the extreme relaxation and satisfaction I felt in Italy, a stark contrast to a stressful departure from the United States. Pretty much every day in Diano Marina, I thought, "Really? Am I here? Could this day be more perfect?" Ideal weather, breezy and warm, old bikes to explore town in, waking up to the smell of Helle's freshly baked danish buns, living in my swim suit, jumping off cliffs all day with Anton and Oliver, countless cappucinos and espressos, every blissful flavor of Mr. Big's gelato, staying up late playing cards, yoga on the terrace... pure contentment.

Isak is a fish...I miss swimmies :) 

Staying with a Danish family, though I was in Italy, was a good experience for me. My sister in law is Danish and the more I learn about danish culture, the more intricacies I find that I like. Danish people are talented in creating cozy atmospheres. Gatherings have a certain feeling that make you feel special to be there. On this trip, I had the chance to stay with six kids, aged 5-15. Isak impressed me with his independence. Kids in Denmark are raised with more freedom than American children. At a young age, they are allowed and expected to explore on their own, spend time visiting friends, and make their own decisions. I see so many American parents who hover over their children to the point where it seems the poor kid can't breathe or make any mistakes. Until I had my license, I remember having to ask mom and dad for rides to meet up with friends. It took a lot of coordination to make the drop off and pick up happen, especially because Belle Square gives mom a "splitting headache."
If I have the chance to have children, I hope to live in a place where I would feel comfortable letting them explore the neighborhood and visit friends at a young age. I think it's important to encourage independence in children. It will empower them and help them believe in themselves. 

And then they gave us a duck...

Every time I see this duck I am reminded of what miscommunications can bring. This looker is a souvenir from Barathawa and he now lives at Saroj Dhai's restaurant in Sukepokhari.

About a month ago, my colleagues held an opening ceremony for a new library in a remote village in Barathawa. In all my time in Nepal so far, this village was the most intriguing to me. Families live in small mud houses near a trash-filled riverbank. The village is known for bamboo products, so walking through the "street" of huts, I could see many people stripping, carving, and weaving bamboo.

Though the library construction is not yet complete, the building is by far the most "buildingy" structure in the town. After we arrived, the room quickly became packed with local children, parents, and teachers. Several times during the ceremony, people walking by poked their heads in to see what was happening. The fact that something was happening, I got the feeling, was already a big deal. "A library in our village!... definitely something to write home about :)" was the expression I saw on face after face. The 3 planned speeches became 14, all in Nepali... this much extended talking in a language I'm far from fluent in always makes me sleepy. Luckily, there were pigs right outside the building who were making squealing noises that didn't quite sound like they could come from a natural being. This kept me awake and attentive, especially since there are currently holes in the walls where windows will be built. 

After the ceremony, we were given a short tour of the street and some homes. Spotting a bunch of ducks, Mrs. Park mentioned that in Korea, there is a popular dish made with duck. From this brief comment that wasn't intended to be heard by everyone, our Nepali friends quickly grabbed a duck and started binding its feet. They asked us to please take it as a "thank you" for the library. They offered to slaughter the duck then and there, but we insisted to take it alive.. and keep it alive! 

It warmed my heart to see people who have so little give what they can. Handing over the duck, they had the widest smiles I've ever seen. Reminds me that all people, all over the world, find joy in giving to others. 

Our duck is doing well now that he has a companion to share his days with. 

A time to give thanks: Thanksgiving Entertainment 2012

Mid-November: means falling rainbow leaves, a cold steering wheel in the morning, hot tea that warms from the inside out, falling asleep next to Abby on the couch defeated by the fire’s power, trying to make the BEST cup of deluxe hot chocolate possible (thinking, “maybe this fancy tin is what was missing last time… or maybe it was the cayenne Aaron snuck in at the last second), getting drenched from the pool of precipitation that collects on my beloved Acura, baking treats like in every other season, but most special of all… it means it’s time for Thanksgiving!! Or at least that’s what comes to my mind…

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. To me, it’s the coziest time of year when everyone’s sure to be around spending time together and filling their bellies until they can’t eat anymore… except they can.. just ONE more piece of Uncle Jonny’s delectable pie 

Since the days of dressing up like a pilgrim as kids, the meaning of Thanksgiving has developed more and more every year and it is now associated with all of these things that make my heart warm.

It’s easy to think of things I’m thankful for. In fact, right now it would be challenging to think of things I’m not thankful for. I realize now that I take so much for granted, expecting it will always be there… like sidewalks, running water, toilet paper, turning the lights on at night, laundry machines, Qtips, floss, access to free education, the opportunity to travel outside my country, the belief that I can do anything if I work hard, the feeling of safety, the trust I have in other people, and the list goes on.

I remember learning in 7th grade to only use a list one in an essay and only include 3-4 items, or you risk losing the interest of your reader. I just ignored those rules so hopefully I’ve still got your ears.

Perhaps if I attempt to rhyme

You’ll see in time

I have so much I want to share with you all

That’s why this note is a little tall.

Instead of sitting by the fire tonight,

Im on the rooftop with my headlamp on bright.

Its finally cold enough that the mosquitos have gone home (where do they live?)

Which leaves me up here all by my lone

Some might think, but actually I have 52 new friends sound asleep below me

Who make me feel like im a branch on their family tree.

Maybe they’re dreaming of the last time they saw their father

Or maybe of a chance to tone time see the ocean water.

Maybe they wander to a feast of roti treats

Or to a stadium where they are showing off real football cleats!

It seems they are just thankful for each other

Which is no small thing since sometimes they are each other’s mother.

A mother. What a necessary blessing everyone deserves.

It breaks my heart that some don’t have one to share and when they have one that’s just not there, it gets on my nerves.

There’s nothing that can truly replace a mother’s love

Nothing more powerful that can rise above

This year I am most grateful to have had the chance to be a recipient of motherly love, (in my opinion, the top quality kind)

So that I can do my best to reflect it back to the children here I find.

And by find I mean meet/get to know… don’t worry, there are not too many stray children to find  Turns out this rhyming thing is a bit of a feat

When accomplished that is.

Makes me think of Aaron, June, and Darrick as more than a wiz…three wizzes!

See, now im off track

But I hope you’ve caught some of my drift even when clarity I lack.

The other thing I am most grateful for is all of you!

There are some ive known my whole life ever since I was a ball of a girl,

Eating Ramen without a sound

Holding a face that looked as though my mind was in a place where “deep, important” thoughts abound.

More likely, I was just enjoying the MSG

And tweety tweet tweeting at me…

Or sitting at the hoses old house in Bellevue looking at that rug with the unearthly soft fur that hung over the stairs

Wanting to touch the top with my eyes closed but too nervous to ask to be picked up high enough.

Some of you ive never even met before

But know that you’re important to me because youre a friend of someone who is a part of my core.

Really, each of you has played a unique role in getting me here,

whether you know it or not,

Its an incredible feeling to just effing do the things that could have become my fear.

Ive come to believe that I can live without being comfortable for a long time…

I can handle squatting when I have to take a dump, pee, or something in between,

I don’t mind using a bucket of cold water to get clean.

All of my belongings fit inside one small cupboard

And there’s even space for a few lizard roommates in there too

At the end of the day, I am enjoying this simplicity

But for sure, I couldn’t do it without your encouragement and energy.

So, THANKS!

I want you all to know that I appreciate you.

Im with you in spirit as you celebrate thanksgiving just as you are with me in my thoughts all the time.

WOAH! I just saw a huge shooting star!

In honor of this shooting star, I want you all to now get up from where you’re sitting and stand in a circle facing each other. Put your arms around each other as if you’re all sharing one giant hug. No need to say anything, just look at each other’s faces and take it in!... until someone gets the giggles or dad starts crying or something

Come back to that feeling you might have at the end of a bonding camp or workshop, a clan celebration at baker lake, the comfort of biting into a chocolate chip cookie that just came out of the oven, smile from the inside out… its bound to warm you up in the rainy season. Remember that we’re all in this crazy life thing together. Now, I’m slipping into dreamland, better go inside before I cant feel my toes, the bottom line is love love love that I send to you

in my mid-slumber.   

I'm but an ant

Tonight, Saroj dhai took me, Hyesu, and Dambi for sukuti (dried, then fried buffalo meat) and we had a heavy conversation about the Maoist insurgency and how they gained power here by force, making villagers fear them. Maoists made a point of torturing and murdering people publicly to make their power clear. In Saroj's hometown, Janikinagar, one man who was thought to be a spy was hung, dragged through the local market, and later cut into pieces in front of his family. When an onlooker spoke up, he too was victim to this treatment and when his father gasped and cried out for his son, he too was taken.Suddenly, I had no appetite for sukuti.

During the insurgency, 13,000 lives were taken, many innocent ones. For what? What change has come since Maoists have had power in government? In 4 months, there may be a chance for an election. 

I have trouble registering these stories. The only word that comes out of my mouth is "wow," while my brow furrows deeper and deeper. My mind is skipping between images of this man being killed and some of our children at the center whose fathers were also killed. The loss that they feel must never fade. Right now, I don't know how to react. The sadness I feel maybe is a fraction of what God must feel like seeing how humans have treated each other throughout history. 

We also talked about the future of the children center and how action needs to happen fast. Our lease is over next month and we are searching for a new location temporarily but a better one long term... but all these things take so much funding, something that is scarce. The funding we do have is month to month, so there is constant stress of what we can afford to do. Saroj so wants so badly to become financially independent, but it takes time. I admire his undying enthusiasm and positive outlook. A visionary, his ideas seem to multiply before they are complete. Still, though, where will we live? How can we afford to build a new village? How can we open a new school for our children? What will the children do when they graduate grade school? If we grow our own food, will the children have time to focus on their studies? I could feel my chest clenching up as we talked. I feel so small, compared to these big questions/issues. 

Sometimes I feel so inspired and like I'm making a big impact here, but sometimes I feel so small and powerless. I left dinner feeling so overwhelmed and worried for the future of this place and most importantly, the futures of these children. I have come to love them and will never forget their dreams, smiles, and tight hugs. 

What to do? I feel like I've just barely dipped my toe in an endless sea of people and places that have so much need in the world. Why are there not enough people to give? Why are there all these children who have no support beyond this center? Are they learning to depend on foreign aid? These things are swimming in my mind tonight and are bothersome. They're all studying in the studyroom now before bed. 

My heart melts in class while I am teaching them "Doh a deer" and they try so sincerely to hit each note... most of them miss :) But, the effort makes my heart feel warm. They never want to stop practicing. The boys' faces become so serious and their face forms a frown when we get to the higher La, Ti, Doh. They are so innocent, well-intentioned, and sweet. I wish they could have more control over their own lives. I wish they had families to support them. I wish they could sing on key :)

Anyway, just had to get that off my chest... It helps a little to write it out.